I left my house house this morning around 8:30 a.m. I needed to get on the road to help my son pack up and move home for the summer after his first-year at college.
I didn't need to meet him until noon, but I knew I wanted to take the long way, the scenic way, the back roads way. I wanted to process this moment. To write that the first year flew by is trite. To write that there were many lessons learned, many firsts would be kind of a 'duh.' To write that I have missed him and cried at night and hurt to hear his voice is my story.
This journey started out as what seemed like a great fit. A small Baptist campus in the middle of Central Texas where I could get to him in about three hours if need be, was an answer to prayers. A place he could play football and a place he could adjust to college was wrapped up at this school.
And, yet, it wasn't a match. He played a lot of downs, caught a few passes and scored a touchdown. He figured out how to switch roommates, grocery shop and go to the doctor by himself. But, it didn't click. We knew it almost right from the start, but we encouraged perseverance. We encouraged the 'college try.' We cheered, we listened, we talked. We texted and Facetimed.
He went two semesters. He made the decision to quit the team early in the spring semester. He figured out how to get to Austin for the weekend. He adjusted to college life. This college just wasn't it for him.
So while I eat BBQ at a local, well-known spot, waiting for him to wrap up his last final of the semester, of the year, of his career at this school, I wonder what's next. My devotions of late have been all about trusting God today and experiencing his filling of me daily. The devotions have been about letting go and really allowing God to fill me with his peace.
Eating this pulled pork sandwich (scooping it out from the bun) and getting the call that he is selling back his last book ..... Those are the immediate next activities. Then, it is driving to his dorm one last time, loading up his car and my truck to drive home and probably paying for a tank of gas for him.
It's taking the quicker, highway route home to a favorite meal and getting some big hugs from his sisters.
Those are today's activities. Tomorrow? This summer? Next fall? No answers because God knows we aren't there yet.
I need to finish this sandwich.
I need to go give him a hug.
I need to tell him how proud I am of him .... he stuck with a situation he didn't really like, but did make the best of it (I mean, Austin on the weekends -- I did that throughout my sophomore, junior and senior years at Baylor).
And, I need to tell him Italian sausage and peppers is waiting for him at home, along with his sisters and dad who are ready to see him.