Sunday, April 17, 2016

Fiesta Shoebox Floats and Summer School

The end of school year projects for first grade have started. And, the end of freshman year of college projects have started.

While the first grade projects require craftiness, lots of glue, and well, two of them, I'm thinking I would take those over my son's work.

Presentations, papers and finals are all coming to a head, but so is the reality of his mid-year decision to leave the school he chose to attend as a freshman. Not only is he wrapping up his first year in college, he's also packing up to come back home. For the summer, yes. For the fall, not sure. And, it is that 'not sure' part that is making me sad, tired, unsure and really doubtful of myself as a mom. I don't like feeling this way.

I manage to get a fourth part most every day with grand planning and preparation. Yet, all the planning, all the preparation, still leave me feeling as if there are so many other things to do. Not for me to do, unless you count texts and sweet, friendly reminder messages as tasks; but hints for him to do.

He quit the football team, but said he still wants to play college ball. He hasn't contacted any schools (that I know of). When will that happen.

He applied for summer school, but hasn't received the acceptance email so he can register. When will that be done.

He applied and received a job offer for the summer, but has to officially follow up to get that ball rolling. When will that take place.

He is packing up all his clothes, shoes and dorm room supplies that we spent so much time finding, organizing and buying. But where will those things go in the fall?

These end of school year projects are no fun at all. Glue can't finish them. Stops to the craft store don't result in creating anything.

My devotions the last few weeks have been on trusting God and realizing that He takes care of everything today. Yeah, I do fret about tomorrow. Yes, I know that is not demonstrating faithful behavior. So, yep, that anxious feeling inside me comes from my lack of trust.

I just want him to get situated. I want him to figure it out. I want him to have a plan. I want him to decide about football. I want him to get things done.

I know, I know. It's all about what I want. That's the rub. What conflict within me. I want to be faithful. I want to trust. I want to focus on today. Yet, I constantly work on a plan. I consistently organize for tomorrow.

I've read the Bible verses, prayed, studied and sought God's guidance ..... yet, I still hold on to getting my fourth part. I feel so convicted, and tired, and sad and out of whack.

So, when I sit in my chair, writing or getting another project started (or finished), I think I have a fourth part.

And, I don't feel satisfied.

And, I worry about my son.

And, I wish I could only have to work on end of year fiesta floats.

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